My Cycle **Update**

Yes my cycle is still ongoing..... Cycle day 70 was today. It is strange because I feel like I did when I was Breastfeeding an not cycling. I have periods of time that my body ramps up for Ovulation by way of cramping in my ovary, increased cervical mucous, changes in my Cervix, but then no temp shift to indicate that the Egg was actually released. Then the ramp up period happens again a few weeks later. Basically that is what is happening to me now.

In an effort to be prepared and know what questions to ask at my Dr.appt next week I was doing some reading online at the PCOS websites. Once you start reading about infertility and PCOS you also come across articles explaining other hormonal reasons that a women might not be Ovulating, and therefore infertile. One of those reasons is an increase in the hormone prolactin. Prolactin's main purpose in a women's body is to help her produce Breast milk and also suppress ovulation while a women is breastfeeding. We were made that way so that during the early nursing period a women could not get pregnant and therefore help the survival of the nursling. Makes sense, No? Anyway, a women can have elevated levels of prolactin while NOT lactating and it can cause infertility due to suppression of Ovulation.

There are several reason for an unhealthy increase in prolactin levels, but the ones that "fit" with me are stress and an increase in prolactin due to a problem with Thyroid. Since we all know I have a thyroid problem it isn't that far of a stretch to think that my thyroid could be causing an increase in my prolactin levels.

This is leading me to believe that I should actually cancel my appt with my OB/Gyn (who would probably try BCP first, which I would object to) and just get in to see my endocrinologist. I would think that he would have a better grasp of the way my thyroid problem may play a part in my infertility. He may also be able to determine if my thyroid problem in and of itself is the cause for my infertility.

So I am still trying to figure it all out. But at least I have a path to follow now. It may not lead to answers, but at least we can eliminate some of the possibilities if nothing else. If anyone has any information that might be useful to me in this quest, I would appreciate you sending it along my way.

Trying to take care of me.

After the past few months (who am I kidding, more like years) I have been running on empty. Fumes if you will. sleep deprivation, not eating right, not drinking enough water, not exercising, not having enough sex ( ;o) LOL! So in return my body has been screaming for me to SLOW DOWN get some rest and rejuvenate. I have been sick with colds, flu's, stomach bugs, throat infections, and sinus infections at least once a month since October of last year. I wash my hands all the time. I refuse to share food/eating utensils or drinks with kids, Tim or anyone else. I cough into my elbow. I use hand sanitizer at the supermarket all in an effort to not get the bug that is going around. But alas I am still sick.

Right now I have a MAJOR throat infection. Not strep, but a bacteria infection none the less. I am on ABX for it, but I am still miserable. Also the DR suspects a sinus infection just to throw another log onto the fire! LOL! And my menstrual cycle is all whacked out. Day 68 of my cycle and no Ovulation, no period and no pregnancy. Something is NOT right. (I have a Dr appt scheduled for next week) My body is screaming...... SLOW DOWN! REST! REPLENISH!

I am going to try very hard to keep my life as simple as possible over the summer. I will eat right. I will drink enough water. I will get enough rest. I will exercise more often. I will try to use yoga or meditation to reduce my stress load and feel more centered and grounded in my body mind and soul. Also I would like to HAVE FUN! Fun with my kids, friends, family. So if you are around and want to do something fun, invite me! I need some fun!

Does anyone have a good recommendation on a once a day multi vitamin that they take? Maybe something geared towards women of child bearing age?

Wish me luck!!!!!

The Moon is Sad...

Tonight Mom called and was bored. So we decided since I was bored to that we should do something together. I drove to her house and picked her up. We went to Chili's and had dinner. It was good. Steak, Chicken and Shrimp fajitas, lots of iced tea and some WONDERFUL enchiladas soup. If you ever get to Chili's, buy the enchiladas soup. You will be glad you did. The kids ate their dinner and wanted dessert. Now I personally HATE paying the prices for some fancy dessert that the kids probably won't finish when they would enjoy something like a dilly bar from DQ for 1/2 the price. So I said NO to dessert at the restaurant and we left with Mom and I knowing that we would stop at DQ on the way home.

Jasmyn gets in the car and the conversation goes something like this:

J: Hey is that the moon? is it full?
Gma: yes Jasmyn it is full.
J: Momma the Moon is sad.
Me: Why is the Moon sad?
J: because we didn't get any dessert.
Gma: Why would the moon be sad over you not having dessert?
J: Because the Moon wants us to eat ice cream.

Now who can refuse the moon? LOL! So we drove to DQ. I ask the kids what they want. Kaleb says a Cherry Dilly Bar. Mason says yes when I ask him if he wants a chocolate one.

Me: Jasmyn what do you want?
J: a chocolate one with that white stuff in the middle.
Kaleb: Jasmyn, ahhh it's Ice Cream, Heeeeellllllloooooooo.
Me(trying not to laugh): Kaleb don't be rude to your sister.
J: Yes I would like a Chocolate one.

We order, pay and get our dessert.

Gma: Jasmyn is the Moon happy now?
J: Yes Grandma. We have our ice cream, the moon is very happy.
Kaleb: The moon is following us. See him walking right above us.
J: The Moon doesn't have toes, Kaleb!!!(laughing)
Gma: It is shaped like a ball, do you think it rolls to follow us?
J & K: (laughing) Noooooo.
J: it just goes like this...(hold hand up and acts like Moon is an airplane flying next to us.)

Their little imaginations work overtime. And I feel so blessed when they share their perspective of the world with me. It is a much pretty picture through a child's eyes.

Unable to stop myself!

In the past few weeks I have had 2 situations presented to me within some families of teen agers. In both situations the teen wanted my help to get them out of a bad situation at home. I guess they think that because I am a licensed foster parent that I have some "clout" with the powers that be. I wish I did. But alas, even really crappy/borderline abusive parents have more rights and more laws on their sides then the children they discipline/abuse. It is really sad, actually.

I have tried to help these 2 teens in the best way I could. Get CPS or Police involved, offer them a place to stay until a suitable home is found, etc. Unfortunately on both occasions the allegations were hard to prove and ultimately the children have remained or have been returned to their parents. Basically until the parents hurt them enough that Police feel there is eminent threat to their lives, they just have to stay and wait for the next beating.

In these 2 situations I have tried to grasp what I was supposed to learn from my involvement in the cases. Up until today, all I had gleaned was a healthy disdain for "the system" and these "parents" and the lack of laws to protect kids in crappy homes. But then a quote came across my email inbox:

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

~Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

This quote helped me realize that the reason these kids come to me is because they know I will put my neck out for them. They know I love children and want to foster resilience and help them succeed. They know I will NOT be silent about things that matter. I will stand up and speak for those that are unable to due to fear, abuse and neglect. They know from the first time they met me that I will connect with them and give them respect and support that they may not be getting from anywhere else.

And maybe the reason I connect with these kids is because I remember my own teen years. With all of my brother's antics and my Mom trying to go to school full time, work full time and keep track of us, well I looked for mentors outside my family. I was fortunate enough to find some great women to look to and to model my behavior after in addition to the groundwork my Mom already laid down, to become a successful member of society and someone I can be proud of. It truly does take a village to raise a child.

So even though in helping a teen last night I kinda got burned, I still feel a calling to help those children who can't speak for themselves. I can not be silent about things that matter because our children matter the most!

And I also want to thank my Mom, Grandma Jean, Aunt Terrie, Aunt Jeana, Aunt Kathy, Clare, Margi, Nola, Sara, Stephanie, Sarah, Megan, Jana and Vanessa for all the love and support you gave me and the helping me along. Even though some of us girls were walking the same line on the same journey we held each other up.

I will continue to mentor kids, speak the truth, and try to help, (albeit a bit more cautiously after last night), if nothing else but to pay forward all the help I received growing up!

Never ending cycle......

So I still do not have any signs of Ovulation or my period starting. Cycle day 64 or maybe 65 today. What a MESS. I am getting very discouraged. I am fearful that my body is "broken" and that I won't be able to conceive again. *sigh* I bit the financial bullet and made an appointment with my OB/Gyn for 9:30am on the 21st. Hopefully they will be able to assist me in some way. I am really hoping that they don't suggest BCP. I guess I should start doing some research on what is up with my longish cycles and see what I can find out. Anyone have any good websites to point me to?
I will Keep you posted!

Kaleb & the Poppers!

There are lots of things that Kaleb has done in his childhood that I have documented in film, video, and his baby book. Some of it is expected like his first steps, first solids, first tooth. And some of it is unexpected. The following pictures are definitely UNEXPECTED. These pictures are the ones that you bust out and show to his finance' or to his friends when he is 15 and acting like like he is the boss. You know... the ones that your kids will kill you for taking!!!!!! Or at least resent you alot. But I figure after a horrible induction and 16 hours of labor.... he has it coming! hahahaha

So last week I was on the phone ALOT. I was trying to get things ready for Future's B-day party, moving in with his new foster family, court and the like. When I am on the phone the kids know they have to do something quiet like read a book, play their Leapsters, play quietly in their rooms or in the playroom. Generally they do this with only a few reminder yells that "I am on the phone go play quietly". LOL! After I got off the phone I checked on Mason. Check Check he was playing in the sandbox outside. Jasmyn, check she is on the swing, Check Check Check, Future is pushing Jasmyn in the swing. OK so WHERE IS KALEB?!?!?! I yell, "Kaleb where are you?" I hear nothing. So I go back inside. "Kaleb where are you?". I hear "I am playing with poppers in here". I walk down the hall towards his voice. What I see is unexpected.....

Yup. That's right....Poppers. hahaha. Probably not what you thought, right? He unloaded the tote of "poppers" and unwrapped them and then pulled the strings to make them "pop". I think he thought they looked like those poppers at New years eve with the confetti inside. Yeah.... not quite confetti inside these "poppers". LOL!
He looked so pleased with himself.
I have to say that THIS is my favorite picture. What an AWESOME blackmail picture. "Oh Kaleb you don't want to make curfew? OK, invite your girlfriend over, I have some GREAT pictures to show her" Bwah HA HA HA HA!

And now I need more Poppers... er I mean Tampons! I will never be able to write Tampons on a grocery list ever again without thinking of "poppers!"

Just an update....

We chased the flu outta our house to only be revisited this morning. Ugh. Both Kaleb & Mason are sick with the Diarrhea. Poor kids. I guess Diarrhea is better than puking, but only slightly. LOL! I am hoping that good hand washing practices, no food sharing and changing the hand towels frequently will help. I also think I may need to buy some stock in Clorox Wipes, since we use them all the time in the bathroom, door handles, and to clean the changing table!

Jasmyn's hives are all gone now. She isn't itchy anymore either. We still don't know if it was from the laundry soap or the virus itself. But I guess it really doesn't matter. I know to NOT change her laundry soap now. And if it is the virus, well there is nothing anyone can do about that, since it is within her body chemistry. Thank God for Benedryl or I doubt we would have gotten any sleep!

~Some content deleted~

I have some more stuff I want to blog about. I need to upload some new videos to Youtube. But once I get that done I will get busy getting things blogged.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. We feel them!

Ticker

A countdown Ticker for a friend:






It is gonna happen so soon! Hang in there Girl! I am here for you! What does not kill us makes us stronger!!!!!!

Day 56 and counting...

Yup. Day 56 of my cycle and still no period. No pregnancy either. I *thought* I might have ovulated about 6 days ago, but I think it was just a temp increase due to the virus we had in our house. Probably a low grade fever I mistakened for a thermal shift. *sigh* This is getting O-L-D! I just want my period to start already! I even, on a glimmer of a hope, took a pregnancy test today. Stark white. No line. Negative. Bummer. But at least it has been 10 days since I last took a test, so I am not quite obsessed with it!

Yeah. I am gonna give it one more week. If No obvious thermal shift or no bleeding I will call and make an appointment with the Dr. Grrrrr. What a total pain in the butt.

I will keep you posted.

Puking, Diarreah and now HIVES, Oh my!

Well I *thought* we were on the mend. Future hasn't been sick at all since Monday night. Kaleb has not been sick since Thursday night. Mason hasn't been sick since Thursday around 6pm. Jasmyn has not vomit ted since Friday morning. I have been OK since Yesterday. Ahhh relief right?!?!? Well,yes and NO. Yes in that no more diarrhea or puking. But suddenly Jasmyn has HIVES.
We initially thought that it may have been some laundry soap/fabric softener I was forced to use. See due to all the messes of being sick we had LOTS of loads of laundry, and I ran out of laundry soap. My Mom had left some of her laundry soap here after doing laundry st time and so I borrowed enough to do a load of Jasmyn's bedding. Her sheets, blanket, and pillowcase. So after she threw up the last time Tim put the clean sheets that were washed in the new soap on her bed along with her blanket and put her to bed that night. In the morning she woke up all itchy. Her arms, legs, feet and face were covered in hives. I put some anti itch cream on it and took her to the pharmacy. I asked the pharmacist about what to give her and he said Benadryl. I asked about dosage and he asked how much she weighed and said about 1/2 a tsp. So I bought the Benadryl and gave her 1/2 a tsp. She was still itchy and miserable. I used the anti itch cream again. It provides some relief. I give her doses of Benadryl as prescribed by the pharmacist. We rewashed her sheets in the normal laundry soap. I remade her bed in sheets that were just in the linen closet and had NOT been washed recently. Last night she slept fine (meaning she did not stir enough to wake me up). This morning her hives are WORSE. She is WAY MORE itchy and cranky. Here are some pictures:

After seeing that the hives were WORSE this morning I called the Pediatrician Triage office. From my description of the hives and Jasmyn's recent illness, the nurse said it could be 2 things: Hives from an allergic reaction to the Laundry Soap. Or Hives from an allergic reaction to the toxins released in her body from the virus she had. Either way she is miserable. Treatment is just Benadryl and Hydro cortisone cream. The nurse did give me the correct dosage on the Benadryl though. She actually can have 1 1/2 tsp of Benadryl instead of the 1/2 tsp the Pharmacist said. I was way under dosing her yesterday which maybe why the hives are worse today. I also gave her an oatmeal bath to help the stinging and burning. It seemed to help take her mind off the itching.

If anyone has suggestions on how to make her more comfortable, I would love your suggestions! Also send a prayer or positive thought up for us that she gets to feeling better soon.