Other People's Business

I want to first start by saying that I have in the past been guilty of what I am about to complain about. Yes, Little Ole' Me has been known to pry into other people's business. I have even gone so far as to state my opinion on their business. Shame on me. And I hereby apologize if you have even been on the receiving end of my prying. Which now clears my minds to go forth and state my opinion on this issue! LOL!

Recently I was at a gathering of friends. Some of these friends are parents, grandparents and some are not. As some of you may be aware from reading this blog that I have been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant for about 9 months now. So it may be that I am just overly sensitive, but I honestly feel that some lines were crossed of just plain common dignity last night. As in most groups of people, you do not all agree on everything. Some co-sleep, some allow crying it out. Some smoke, so don't. Some are Democrats and some are Republicans. Some like big families, some like small. And that of course are just a few things that we can differ on. The possibilities for disagreements are ENDLESS. In most things people can just agree or disagree and move on. And for most things this is possible. When things get sticky is when you start to disagree or even pry into other people's PERSONAL business.

Since when.... is it polite or even acceptable to question ones form of birth control? I mean unless of course you are the other half of a couple or my Doctor. But since when is it OK to just blatantly ask: When do you plan to get a vasectomy? Do you plan to have more children? WOW! Is all I can say. Are you seriously asking these questions? But perhaps the MOST appalling about it, was the tone. It wasn't like: "Wow your children are so well mannered and beautiful. When are you gonna bless the world by having another?" (LOL!) It was more like.... (looking down your nose) "So when exactly are you gonna get a vasectomy? You don't want to have a (*gasp*) accidental Pregnancy?" Wow. All I can say is WOW, You really have some gall to ask that.

I know that I have opened myself up to scrutiny by posting my personal struggles to conceive here on the web, but I was (perhaps naively) looking for support and love, NOT criticism for making the decisions and even less than that I was NOT looking for someone to question my relationship with Tim. So last night, somehow in the conversation it was brought up that I was wanting to conceive another child. Someone asked me very rudely, "why?" I said with a smile on my face "have you seen how BEAUTIFUL my children are and what a blessing they are? Why wouldn't I want another one?" Then the same someone said in a very direct way "well enough is enough". I not so politely said "well I think that is for Tim and I to decide" to which this person responded, "I think Tim HAS said enough is enough". Wow. Again WOW WOWZA.

Who do you think you are????? I had no idea that Tim was discussing our family size plans with YOU. I had no idea he was consulting with YOU every month for the past 9 (nine, yes 9) that we have been TRYING TO CONCEIVE. @@ (eyes rolling). I am pretty sure *I* have been on the receiving end of those conversations with MY husband. Not YOU. How rude of you to make a statement in which you imply I am FORCING my husband to have another child with me. You speak of what you DO NOT KNOW.

Here are a few etiquette tips that I think even Miss Manners would endorse:

• Don't ask about someones form of Birth Control unless a) you are their sexual partner b) you are their health care professional



• Don't offer your negative opinion of a person's chosen family size unless a)you are one of the parents of said family b)you have been asked to financially support said family c)you have been asked to do midnight feedings or diaper changes on a daily basis for any of the children d)you are paying for their college fund.



• Don't make comments about another person's relationship. Period. You are not in the relationship, you do not know what is happening inside that relationship. You don't get a vote.



• Don't hang out with me and my children if my kids bother you. I can sense your attitude and so can they. It is upsetting to me and my kids see right through you. You look silly. If you want to hang out with just me, then invite me to places I wouldn't bring my kids....To the spa, the bar, to coffee. But if you are at a KIDS birthday party. Guess what.... the kids are gonna be loud, eat too much candy and have melt downs.



• Do compliment parents on how well mannered their children are. Believe me... My kids are well mannered. They say excuse me, your welcome, please and thank you. They cough into their elbows. They don't climb on adults they don't know. They don't even talk to you if you don't talk to them first and act welcoming. They sit at the table and eat politely, they are disciplined and in control. If they step out of line we quickly get them back in line or we leave.



• And lastly, if you have no children of your own.... please please reserve your opinion on someone elses family size to yourself. Trust me, you look really silly passing judgement on someone else when you have NEVER walked in their shoes.

AWWWWW I feel so much better. I got all that off my chest. I am sure I am not alone in my thoughts and feelings. I didn't name any names because if you made the comments...you know who you are. If you didn't make the comments to me, but you have in the past to someone else.... be warned that if you say something like that to me... You might just be featured in my next blog!