Calling my Girls!

Hi ladies. I am having a WACKY cycle. I know that some of you have personal experience with weird cycles and I just thought that perhaps someone could give me some insight. I thought that if I gave you some information on what was happening with me, that you could play "Mystery Diagnosis" and help me out! LOL!

Here is my story: After I had Mason I had the normal amount of post partum bleeding. I nursed him for 18 months with an abundant milk supply. These two things seem to indicate that all was well with me hormonally. At least at that point. At the end of January to the beginning of February I weaned Mason. As I started the weaning process I started to pay more attention to my cervical mucous (CM) as my nursing were fewer and fewer. CM is the first indication of returning fertility. As my CM became more and more fertile, I started to take my temperature in the morning. I still had not had a Post Partum Period yet, so I just started my chart from when I started to see returning fertility in my CM. Tim & I were still undecided on whether to try to conceive (TTC) at that point or wait a few more months. Well during that week of returning fertility Tim had a momentary lapse of reason and "failed" at our method of Birth control. LOL! I was not really worried since I thought it was too soon for me to Ovulate since I had just begun spacing Mason's nursing out. But Low and behold my temp shifted a day or so after our birth control mishap. ECK! We figured that I should start taking the prometrium (progesterone supplements I usually take when TTC to help maintain a pregnancy and avoid a miscarriage). I called my DR and got a prescription filled and started taking it. Here is my chart from that cycle:

So Tim & I had our "mishap" on Cycle day (CD) 14 and I ovulated on CD16. I started taking the prometrium on CD 18. Not surprisingly, I started to spot on CD24 and my period started full force on CD 27. That gave me a 11 day Luteal Phase (LP = the time from Ovulation to period starting). Considering this was my first cycle since weaning it was not alarming that it happened this way. But once the baby bug hit me I could not get it out of my head. So we decided to actively TTC the next cycle. My pre-ovulatory temps were kinda all over the place and the day that I actually ovulated is still kinda debatable. Because I did not have a clear thermal shift and Tim was working out of town we again were unsure if we catch the egg or not. And I had a delay in Ovulation which I am not sure of the cause. I probably started taking the prometrium too soon and it delayed or even prevented a viable egg from being released. So again our timing was off. This time thanks to the prometrium and a decrease in my Breastfeeding hormones my LP was 12 days long. During my LP I thought for sure that I was pregnant so I had a blood test drawn when I went in for my routine thyroid blood draw. The pregnancy test came back negative, but my thyroid test was within normal range. So again at this point my hormones seemed to be in somewhat of a balance. Once I received the 2nd negative blood pregnancy test I stopped taking the prometrium and my period started within a few days. See chart below:

When we did not conceive on the last cycle we decided to sit the next cycle out and let my body kinda reset and also avoid conceiving a baby that would be due in December. We thought that the next cycle would be easy peasy, just wait it out and then get back to TTC in April. Well I am still currently ON that cycle! Today is CD50. Yes you read that correctly... 5-0, 50, fifty. Yup. Long cycle. It seems that my body has "geared - up" to ovulate a few times without actually releasing the egg. We thought I Ovulated on CD27, but 12 days later and no period. All the pregnancy tests are negative. Then I thought perhaps I ovulated on CD 40. But my temps took a nose dive to a pre-ovulation range of temps. So then today I thought perhaps I have ovulated since my temp is higher today (97.6*) than it has been the previous 31 days. But I won't know for sure for another 2-3 days. I need a few more temps to confirm ovulation. The sad thing is that since I have "thought" I ovulated like 3 times now, and I "thought" Tim and I were safe to go without birth control, we have done so on a few occasions. While the potential for pregnancy is a LOOONNNGGG shot, there is still some potential. This is only a problem because pregnancy is one of those things I really LIKE TO PLAN! Ugh. Here is my current (and somewhat never-ending) cycle:

You can go to: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/35660 there you can see my charting homepage for a clearer and more detailed view of my chart.

The other portion of this is some new symptoms that have cropped up in conjunction with old symptoms. I am mostly concerned that all of these are indicative of a hormone imbalance, be it PCOS, Thyroid, or some other hormonal dysfunction. My "old" symptoms are:

• Low Thyroid function - but has been well controlled on meds
• skin tags
• thin/thinning hair
• dark pigmentation of skin folds and groin area
• low waking temps
• Long patches of fertile quality CM (more than 4-5 days)
• Ovarian cyst on right ovary that causes constant dull pain for most of cycle.

New symptoms are:

• dark hair growth on upper lip
• long cycles
• delayed ovulation/possible annovulatory cycles
• No clear thermal shifts confirming ovulation

I know that a few of my close friends have had PCOS or still have PCOS. Other close friends have had other non diagnosed hormonal imbalances. So I am hoping to hone in on the minds of my girls and the collective research we have all done to find some answers. I am really wanting to avoid things like Birth control pills, clomid or other fertility drugs if possible. Tim & I have been doing some soul searching on what these developments mean in terms of our family planning, but feel we don't have enough information yet. Please if you have information to share, do so!

Thanks so much!!!

Megan

This week has been busy. I normally look at my day planner about twice a day during normal weeks, but this past week I just didn't. Maybe because it was buried under a few pounds of last weeks mail, newspapers and kid's art projects! Today when I was digging myself out of the mess I found my day planner. And so I wanted to make sure I didn't forget anything last week. I take one look and think... *Oh Crap*. I forgot.....

Megan's 33rd Birthday!!!

Happy Birthday Girl! I hope your Birthday was fantastic!

And if I missed her birthday that means I also missed her wedding anniversary too! I want to say that Megan and Rodd are celebrating their 12th wedding anniversary this week as well. I *think* they got married in 1996. Happy Anniversary Megan & Rodd!!!!!

So I thought that for her birthday I would write.....

10 things I Know and Love about Megan!

* She loves to drive. I love to ride. This works out well on road trips. She likes to take the scenic route and savory the beauty along the way.

* She is amazingly talented in photography. She has a gift. Her "eye" for beauty is well trained. She captures the beauty of my children in her photography that I thought only their mother could see.

* She knows me in ways that NO other person on this earth does. She understands me to my core. And loves me in spite of it!

* She is compassionate, supportive, loyal, grounded, groovy, funny, and a straight talker. You never wonder where you stand with her. She keeps her relationships clean.

* She is an awesome wife. Her marriage to Rodd is a relationship that Tim and I look to for advice and to model. Their love, commitment and respect for one another is something we aspire to achieve in our relationship.

* She loves and respects her parents. She has such awesome relationships with her family and family-in-law. Even despite some challenging circumstances she stays true to her morals and her convictions to model the behavior she wishes to be treated with.

* She loves my children. All of them! She supports our decisions in family planning in ways no one else does. She relates to my family/pregnancy philosophy in ways that few can understand.

* She & I both hate to eat any type of food off a metal plate, but especially salad from panhandler pies. She hates raw onion and sugary soda. She eats organic and crazy stuff like flax seed, seaweed juice, and soy!

* She loves purses and shoes. And she loves lip gloss. She has extras stashed everywhere, like in her purse, car, pocket, desk, etc.

*I admire Megan in ways she doesn't even know. She is the kind of Wife, Daughter, Sister, Aunt and most importantly...Friend that I would like to be.

Happy Birthday Megan! May your dreams come true, your hopes be fulfilled and your faith in God be strong! I love you!

(photo is shamelessly "stolen" off Megan's website listed on the right. The only picture I have is one from 8th grade! I figured she would rather me steal her beautiful self portrait than use a photo of when she was 13 and had 1990's styled hair! LOL)

Let me sit on your couch.....

I got a call from my Aunt Kathy today. She was concerned about my state of mind after my last post. I was deeply touched that she called to check on me. She and I spoke about my post and I assured her that I was fine, which I AM fine by the way.

Her concern got me thinking about why it is that I am choosing to open myself up so wide and be so vulnerable in this blog. After about 2 seconds of thought a light bulb appeared above my head. I write about the stuff in my life that is challenging for me or gives me joy or is just plain fun, because in a normal day I don't get much adult interaction. Yes I talk to the kids teachers and the social worker at the school. They are all wonderful. But some days other than my quick chats with them about the kids, the weather, or other things involving the children I don't really get to talk to another adult. Yes I chat with Tim on the phone, but if you have ever spoke to me on the phone for any length of time you know that my multi-tasking is commonplace. I change a diaper, get a snack for the kids, console a hurt child and referee fights all within a few minutes of a phone call. And most of what I have said in the past posts, well is just not kid appropriate. I mean, I can hardly talk about masturbation and vibrators while the children are within ear shot. (can you imagine the parent teacher conference after my child uses THAT vocabulary at school?!?!)

So If I can't talk to anyone, I don't see anyone, and my children shouldn't hear what I have to say anyway, well what is left? You guessed it.... this blog and a few other message boards I frequent. And as most of you know I process my thoughts by communication. I am NOT a great introverted person whom can take a walk or meditate and feel better. I need to talk or write my feelings on an issue out to really KNOW how I feel. I talk or write to vent my frustrations and my fears and my joys. Give me a girls night out with a glass of blush wine or a margarita, a quiet booth with good atmosphere and I will talk until they start turning off the lights!

And since they would call CPS on me if I drank a margarita every time my life stressed me out, I needed a new outlet! Welcome to... The Bray Bunch. Perhaps I should change the name of my blog to something more appropriate like "the inner thoughts of Jen" or "The madness that makes Jen" or perhaps something else clever. Or maybe the title of "the Bray Bunch" is appropriate.. I am in fact the glue that holds this family together. This blog is about my entire family. And heck I like the name.... it has a nice ring.

So readers, due to the aforementioned circumstances of my life, you may occasionally read a blog or two that resembles a conversation I should be having with a therapist, if only I could find a sitter so I could keep my appointments! Putting my thoughts out there on this blog and into the universe somehow allows me to free myself from the quagmire of that day. I feel that if I write it and you read it then it is a substitute for an "Adult conversation". (although it is even MORE helpful to me if you comment on my blogs! Thanks Megan for being my constant commenter!) Thank you for reading and commenting and letting me sit on your couch!

Think BEFORE you speak!

I have toyed around with this blog all day. Should I write it, should I not. Will I offend? Do I care? The people this blog is about certainly did not mind offending me, so perhaps responding on this forum would be less offensive than saying the response to the faces of the peanut gallery. But you all know me.... I speak when I should probably shut my mouth. In fact I should probably take my own advice and think before I type, but alas, I can't let these things go so I must release them into the void that IS the Internet.

It started a few weeks ago. Someone through the grapevine said that someone else commented that I "needed to handle my children better". In was said in the context of me asking for help with my children. Basically I asked for help by way of babysitting, this person responded by saying "she needs to handle her children better" basically devalidated my need for a sitter. I take issue with this comment on Several levels, but I will limit my comments to just 3 points.

1) If I am asking for help with my children, my cats, my house, my husband, whatever it is and you want to help then I would love for you to help. If you don't care to help, or can't help or even if you think my request is STUPID, please just respond by saying, "no I am sorry I can't help with x y or z." I understand that your time is as valuable as mine. If you can't, don't want to, or won't help that is fine. But your availability does not make my request for help any less valid.

2) The whole comment "handle her children better"implies that I am doing something wrong with my children. It implies that YOU (the person who said it) could do it better. My response to this is that until you have walked a mile in my shoes you really don't know that you could do it better. I can think of no one in my life that has had my exact situation to handle: 3 Biological children under 5, a foster child under 5, a husband that works out of town 5/7 days of the week, and being a stay at home Mom, with the isolation that occurs with that job title. Now you may have variations of my reality, but you do not have my exact situation. I am not saying that my situation is so speical or needs extra attention, I am saying that I do not know your reality and you do not know mine. So again, until you have walked a mile in my shoes, please keep your judgements and opinions in a manner that WON'T leak back to me. Or if you must share your opinion then have the courtesy to come forth to me directly and allow me to respond to you directly.

3) Lastly, I am doing the very best I can with my children, my husband and my home. I assure you I am my own worst critic. If you think that you are telling me something I don't already doubt about myself you are sorely mistaken. Not a day goes by that I don't look at my situation and think, maybe if I changed x or y or z it would be easier. And lots of times I do make changes, sometimes they work, sometimes they flop. But trust me, I critique my own parenting, my marriage, my ability to be a friend, and family member on a daily basis. Let me assure you that I am doing the very best that I can to "handle my children".

I am sure if you have read this far you are probably hoping that my Rant will end soon. Sorry folks I have a few more comments. LOL!

About a month ago the Dept of H & W invited me to attend a conference discussing trauma to children and how to help them cope. The conference is called: From Hurt to Hope. They are paying for the conference and it covers my entire 12 credits of continued Ed that is required to keep my foster care license current for 3 years. Tim & I worked out the coverage for the kids and we made plans for me to attend. Last week I found out that some of the teachers and social workers from the preschool the kids attend are also going to the conference. They invited me to carpool with them and we even all decided to go to the same speakers. Today I went into the office to discuss with a few of them the plan for the morning as the conference is tomorrow. Now mind you I have not worked outside my home since Aug 2005. And I have not attended a conference such as this well..... um ever. So I wanted to know what attire would be appropriate. I asked a few of the ladies and most said what I expected to hear: business casual. Ok fine. So I jokingly said that I wouldn't be wearing my sweats and crocs for the day tomorrow. And then this woman said something that DID surprised me " yes, well welcome to the "real" world." I was so shocked I did not even know what to say. A few of the other ladies looked uncomfortable and I quickly made haste and left. When I got to the car I thought, Man if my life isn't the "Real" world I am not sure I want to be in it. How much more "Real" does the world get than dirty diapers, piles of laundry, sinks full of dishes, kids getting stitches in their heads and teeth knocked outta their mouths, not to mention hugs and loves from my sweet babies, Flowers from my husband for 'just because', and a life full of people I love. And heck if I get to do all of that in my sweatpants, crocs, hair pulled into a ponytail and no makeup... well then I am pretty fortunate. If being in the "real" world means leaving my kids for someone else to raise in daycare, getting dressed in a stuffy suit, getting up 1/2 hr earlier to put makeup on and do my hair perfectly, never seeing my husband or my friends because I am working all the time, well I guess I will live in "fairytale land" forever! With a joyful and grateful heart!

I am probably just feeling a bit puny and emotional. Or maybe I need to up my medication! LOL! But seriously people, Motherhood is the HARDEST JOB with the most at stake and the biggest rewards. I have 4 little people depending on me for everything physically, mentally, emotionally, stability, food, shelter, clothing and most of all love. I "get" this. I really need support and love. I do not need criticism and judgement. Please think before you speak.

The Tooth Fairy!

The Tooth Fairy came to visit Kaleb. Just like when I was a kid we put his baby tooth in a glass of salt water and left it on the counter. Kaleb wrote The Tooth Fairy a letter with a picture of his tooth and a picture of a coin. I think he was making a deal with the Tooth Fairy that he will give her the tooth if she gives him a coin! We left the cup of tooth and salt water with the letter on the kitchen counter. Kaleb was very excited to go to sleep and see what the Tooth Fairy would bring him.

In the morning he awoke to find:

The Tooth Fairy had left him a note with Fairy Dust and Sparkles all over the counter. Also some coins in the glass and more Fairy Dust inside the glass. Apparently that Fairy Dust stuff comes off her when she visits! Here is a close up of the letter:

And since you can't read the letter because of all the Fairy Dust the text says:

Kaleb ~
Thank you for giving me your first lost tooth! I found it here in this glass. I have replaced your beautiful tooth with some money. Ask your Mom to help you put it in your piggy bank. Remember to brush your teeth everyday to keep them strong and healthy. I will be checking up with your Mom and Dad to be sure you do. And I will visit the next time you lose a tooth!
Love ~
The Tooth Fairy

Here is a picture of Kaleb when he first saw the letter and glass full of money. He looks a bit sleepy still (and in need of bigger PJs, LOL!).

He he is with his coins and letter.

And here he is with his letter:

He can hardly wait to loose his next tooth!

Bad Bad Day!

I thought my day was going well. I dropped the kids off to school, had breakfast with some friends and the sun was shinning. Perfect. Beautiful. I was thrilled with my day. I picked up my kids from school and we had lunch. After lunch was when the day started going downhill and FAST.....

Kaleb lost his 1st tooth. I was NOT prepared or ready for this particular milestone. For some reason it really hit me that my "baby" was growing up. I think I would have been ok with it if it would have been in it's own time. Let me explain. Last week Future and Kaleb were playing and Future kicked Kaleb in the mouth. It loosened his tooth. Actually it BROKE his tooth. It broke one of the sides of the root off. So it was loose and of course Kaleb kept playing with it with his finger and tongue. So today while Kaleb was eating Mac & Cheese for lunch his tooth just fell out. He luckily didn't swallow it. LOL! Anyway, I just was not ready for Kaleb to loose his tooth before he was developmentally ready. There is no permanent tooth peeking through yet and the other root is still inside the hole. I am guessing that it will be a few months before his permanent tooth grows in. :( Oh well, the tooth fairy still pays the same for broken teeth as whole teeth.

After Lunch I picked up Mason from his high chair and realized that he had poop running out of his diaper down his leg. YUCK! So I picked him up and carried him into his room. I cleaned him up the best I could and got the yucky diaper and clothes taken care of. I put Mason into the tub to finish cleaning him up. I was kneeling by the tub when I heard a loud "thud" and then a child crying. Oh No, I thought. Next thing I saw was Kaleb running into the bath room crying and his side of his face covered in blood. I wiped the blood away to see a hole in the side of his head by his temple. I asked what happened and Future relayed that Kaleb was running in the house, tripped and smacked his head on one of our hardwood kitchen chairs. I look at the wound again and I can see the layer of fat hanging out of the open gaping 1 inch gash. I call Tim. I don't know why other than it is a gut reaction. He is in Portland, OR and will be for a few more days. He says to take him to the ER and have them stitch it back together. Ugh. So I press a washcloth onto Kaleb's head and tell him to hold it there. I finish washing Mason and get him redressed (remember he was in the bath after the poopy diaper issue). I text a few friends to see if anyone can help me with the other 3 kiddos. Nope. Nada. No way No how. Nobody would/could help me. So I pile all 4 kids into the car and head to the Emergency Room!

Once at the ER they got us back into a room fairly quickly. Kaleb was very scared. He kept asking over and over what they were going to do to him. I didn't really have a solid answer so I told him they were going to look at the boo boo, put some medicine on it, close the hole somehow, put a band aid on it and we would get to go home. He accepted than answer for a while. LOL! Here is a picture of what it looked like when we arrived, except it was more bloody (this is right after I wiped the blood off.

So the Dr came in and looked at his boo boo. They put some topical numbing stuff on a cotton ball and wrapped his head up in some gauze. Next they gave him some pain medicine/sedation in some oral syrup stuff. Kaleb drank it like a champ! Then they let us sit for like an hour while the medicine worked to numb the area. Here is a pic of him wrapped in gauze:



Future, Jasmyn & Mason at this point are hiding under the bed, crawling around on the chair, laying on the floor (eeewwww, in a hospital who KNOWS what germs are lurking there), getting into the drawers and playing with the stacks of linens. Oy Vey. The nurse asked me "Is there someone I can call to come and get your kids?" Nice Huh? Doesn't she know that I had already called everyone I could? Doesn't she think I would have LOVED some help with them? No instead she had to state the obvious that yes I was alone with 4 kids and they were running a muck! I will still trying to text Roselyn to come and give me a hand, but she was unable to help me. She was my last option. We pressed onward.

After what seemed like a lifetime, but was probably only 1 1/2 hrs the Dr comes back in to check on Kaleb's numbness. He is numb enough. He is Kaleb, right before the Dr started messing with him.

:( He looks scared. :( I get Mason strapped back into his stroller, even though he screamed the whole time. I get Jasmyn & Future sitting in a chair together holding their teddy bears. Dr comes in and has Kaleb put his hands behind his back and puts them into a pillow case and pulled it up to his armpits with his arms pinned inside it. He called it a "cape" but we all know it was really a "straight jacket". LOL! Then they wrapped Kaleb tightly in a warm blanket with his arms still in the pillow case. He looked like a burrito. Next they cleaned the wound with Iodine. Then they had a big male nurse hold his face while I held his body and used a needle with litocaine to finish numbing it. As I was holding him down I could clearly see him injecting the wound. Yucky. I saw at the bottom of the hole was white. I asked the Dr. "ummmm is that his skull?" the Dr. laughed and said, "yup". Kaleb cried and was upset because that part hurt. Next they wiped the blood away and put the white drapes over his face. At this point Kaleb said he wanted to "look at Mommy" So I went to the other side of the bed to help comfort him. I sang to him while the Dr stitched him up. I probably sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star about 6 times. Future and Jasmyn were hiding their faces behind their teddy bears and Jasmyn was crying. Mason cried when they pinned Kaleb down and he was crying. I felt really bad that they had to witness all of this. All in all Kaleb has 6 stitches. 1 inside the wound. And 5 outside. Then the Nurse cleaned the blood off his face, put some ointment on the boo boo and applied a band aid. They gave us our discharge instructions and we were outta there. Kaleb wanted a dilly bar from Dairy Queen so we swung by DQ on our way home. Kaleb was so very brave. He really was awesome. I was so very proud of Kaleb. I was also proud of Jasmyn Future and Mason. They handled the whole thing pretty well, considering. I still wish I could have spared them the experience, but we all survived.

Here is a picture of the stitches and the wound right after the Dr was done sewing.

Here is the Nurse cleaning up the wound and putting ointment in it.

And this is a picture of him at home. All relaxed and better. I put a spider man band aid on it after I took this picture.

And then here is a smile!

I have to say that today felt LONELY. It sucks to be a "single-parent" 5/7 of the week. I know that Tim can't help but work out of town and I am thankful he has a good job that pays our way. But days like today remind me how much I need him with me and how NO ONE can fill his shoes. And apparently nobody else wanted to try! LOL!

My Red Shoes!

Kathy! I got my red shoes and I LOVE them! They are a bit snug through the instep, but I think with some wear that they will stretch out a bit and fit perfectly! Thank you Thank you! Thank you! I appreciate you sending them to me and your thoughts behind them!

There is no place like home!

Roselyn

This is my wonderful neighbor/babysitter/friend Roselyn. I love love love her. She is beautiful, hunble, honest, sweet, funny, crazy and a wonderful friend. I can't put into words how much I care for her and am so hapy we found each other. She is just awesome and one of the few people I trust with my children, which says ALOT!

This past week I was able to attend her High School Choir concert. She sings in the Jazz choir and the main choir. I brought my digital camera with me and happened to shoot this video of her solo. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Just Laugh.... It's funny!

So this past weekend I was invited to a "Passions" party. For those of you that have never attended a "Passions" Party it is similar to a Tupperware party, well.... um except that the plastic ware they offer is not for storing leftovers! Our "Passions" salesperson was named Sabrina. She showed us a HUGE variety of Lotions, potions and toys that would enhance our love lives. Things to use privately or in conjunction with a partner. LOL! It was pretty fun to sit in a room full of ladies, drink mimosas, eat snacks, and talk about enhancing our sex lives. I have to admit it was liberating and empowering to discuss sex and pleasure in that forum. I enjoyed myself and even bought a little sumptin' sumptin' for Tim & I! LOL!

Tonight Tim & I were hanging out and he was checking his email. He started laughing about something and sent me the picture. In light of my recent party and purchase the photo was quite funny. Here it is:

Sorry Kittens, But a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!

Stupid Stupid Stupid OPKs!

I hate them I hate them I hate them! OPKs are the silliest invention on earth next to Banana Hammocks ( the ACTUAL banana hammocks, not just boys in tight underwear... eeewww Yuck). So I have been faithfully charting my cycle, Temps, Cervical fluid and position, moods, cramps, heck even diarrhea. I have also been peeing on ovulation prediction strips (aka. OPKs) on a daily basis. So the stars aligned, oceans washed up on whatever shore, Moon shone bright, my CP and CM all indicated I ovulated. Yippie, right? Nope the stupid OPKs are STILL negative. Negative negative negative. What a TOTAL waste of time, energy, and (dare I say it) PEE!

Here is my chart for this month indicating that I ovulated on Saturday:

So there it is. CP, CM, Temps, everything all indicate Ovulation! The only thing that is NOT aligned is the stupid Opks. So guess what....I faked it! I put a + on the chart where I thought my OPKs were "the most positive" even though by the directions it was still a negative. Grrrrr. Here is the picture of my whole OPK series:

They look negative right? The rule is 2nd line must be "as dark or darker" than the control line. Yeah.... none of mine fit that description. In fact the ONLY one that even has a 2nd line was Number 19 (3rd from bottom). Here is a closer picture of that OPK (at the very bottom):

Yeah I put a RED arrow up there to point to the line so you might be able to catch a glimpse of the faint faint faint line. Grrrrrrrrrrr

I asked around on some message boards about other women's experiences with OPKs and they say that I am doing it correctly. Oh did I forget to mention there are RULES when you take OPKs? Ah yes.... the "rules": You CANNOT use First Mornings Urine. But the urine you do use must be concentrated urine. So they suggest you deprive yourself of fluids and the toilet for 3-4 hrs to let the urine get good and concentrated before testing. Then you must pee into a clean cup and dip the strip for 5 second but not more than 7 seconds! LOL! So if I am doing it correctly and I am not over saturating my strips but still not getting a Positive OPK then 1 of 3 things is happening.... 1) My LH surge is very short and happens overnight when I am not testing because I can't use first mornings urine. or 2) I am a freak that does not metabolism LH into my urine in measurable amounts or 3) I am so afraid of daily dehydration and I won't allow myself to damage a kidney just to test for a stupid LH surge that May or May Not be occurring! I vote for the latter! LOL!

Now I have about 75 (yes you read that correctly...75 seventy - five) OPKs test strips. And as far as I am concerned they are USELESS! I did only pay like 30 cents a strip plus shipping,but still I am out some $22.50! I think I will try to sell the OPKs on a message board! LOL!

All this crap and I am not even TRYING to get pregnant this cycle! LOL!

Anyone have a comment? Please oh please comment! I need someone to share my misery with!

My husband is AWESOME!

So this past week I was sick. I had a fever and a horrible stuffed up nose and chest. I was MISERABLE. The kids were sick too. Tim came home from working Out of town and totally just stepped up and helped us all out. It turned out that he got to stay in town and work for a week or so too! So during the time I was sick Tim took the kids in the afternoons and let me take naps. He also cleaned and cooked and took care of me. He brought me juice and Kleenex and NyQuil! He also completely unexpectedly bought me roses!

Tim is Not a "bring home roses often" kind of guy. Now he usually (expect last year for some reason) remembers my birthday and Mother's day and Christmas. He does well remembering our anniversary(ies) and Valentine's day. But even on those day he usually chooses a gift I either want and have told him, or something I need. He is not big on romantic gestures. So for Tim to give me roses out of the blue, when I am sick and he KNOWS I am too sick to have sex..... well it was pretty cool!

So the above picture was my lame attempt at a close up of the flower. I guess I need to read Megan's blog (see link at bottom right) to get some pointers. LOL!

Thank you Tim for being a great husband and putting up with me and all the "stuff" that comes with me. I can't imagine my life without you, nor would I want to! I love you even though you don't do huge romantic gestures, don't like cooked broccoli and are still clinging to your youth (with both hands) by listening to hip hop/rap music! Thanks for the flowers. You make me smile!

Oldest members stalking newest members!

The kids just love the hamsters. They hold and love on the hamsters a few times a day, despite the fact that the hamster poop on you every time you hold them! (yuck) The kids haven't forgotten to fed or water them yet. LOL! Oh and Tim has held true to his word in promising to clean the cage!

But there are 2 members of our family that ARE NOT happy about the new additions! Ha! Well I should say that they would be VERY happy if I would just leave the cage lid off so that they could get... er....ummmm.... better acquainted or at least they could have a midnight snack!

Even the 3 legged cat Zoe was willing to put extra effort into getting a better look at our "new family members"!

Hahahaha! So far the cats have just taken a few close inspections and have left the cage alone. We were worried that they would lay on top of the mesh lid or try to pry it off. But for now they are satisfied with just having midnight snack dreams!

Sneaky friend!

Ok Megan Iam gonna call you out! LOL! I had no idea you had a blog untilI saw your comment on my blog. You Sneaky sneaky girl! And of course it is FABULOUS just like everything you do! I am however bummed that I could not leave a comment on your site. But that is ok.

Anyway, all my readers, you should take a look at Megan's Blog at http://mysoulreflections.blogspot.com/ and also her photography website (lots of pics of my kids and Sara's kids on there ) http://www.soulreflections.us/welcome.html. Megan is widely talented and I just LOVE LOVE LOVE her!

Take a look! You won't regret it!

Survival with a little help from a friend!

My day today has been eventful in that Kaleb is still puking and Mason is still running a slight fever and feels yucky. Tim is down with a cold too. So survival is the name of the game for today. One of the survival techniques that I used today I learned from my friend Sara. She has created a disposable puke basket for her kids. She takes a small basket and lines it with a plastic grocery bag. Then she places a folded paper towel in the bottom and then adds another layer of plastic bag and another paper towel. You do a few layers of this. Then if child cannot make it to the bathroom then you can use the basket/bucket to puke into. The paper towel prevents splatter and spillage. Then when they are done you just pull that layer of bag out and throw it away. And you still have a clean -smell -free place to puke for the next time. Nothing to rinse/clean /launder for Mom. So it is a win-win situation! And for a Mom that has 4 kids that have the potential to all be puking at the same time I will take any tips I can get. Anyway today was the first time I have used Sara's method and it worked like a charm! Kaleb puked into the bucket in the middle of my living room with no spillage. I will sing the praises of Sara's puke bucket far and wide since it prevented me from having to steam clean my carpet and/or couch!

Thank you Sara for sharing with me your tricks and tips! It certainly saved my Butt today!

The evils of Charting and Stupid OPKs

Some of you may or may not be aware that Tim and I are considering trying to conceive a 4th child. (Oh and to save some of you from wasting your breath.... Yes we know what causes babies. Yes we know how to prevent them. . And lastly NO we don't care if we have a boy or a girl and we aren't "trying" for any particular gender. Yup I think that covers all of the potential 1 liners from the peanut gallery! ;op ). Anyway I recently weaned Mason from breastfeeding 2 months ago. Once I weaned him it only took a week or so for me to start cycling again. My first 2 cycles were somewhat dysfunctional and very difficult to understand. I had a hard time pinpointing ovulation and my period seemed liked it was "late" but who really knows since I never did nail down my Ovulation date. But my period did finally arrive. This month for SURE we are trying to NOT get pregnant since our potential due date would have been December 20th-ish. Yeah, we would NOT want to plan another Christmas time baby. So we have had a few things to consider in the whole scheme of trying to conceive. The number 1 issue is timing. When Tim works out of town 5-7 days at a time it would be easy to "miss the window" of ovulation. So to combat the timing issue I have been trying to "predict" when I would ovulate so that when the time comes for us to conceive that I could tell Tim either, yes you can go to work out of town or No you best stay around town. I chart my cycles. I monitor cervical fluid, basal body temperature and even my cervical position on a daily basis. This is all in an effort to "predict" when the big Ovulation or Egg day will arrive. But herein lies the problem....

Charting is a RETROSPECTIVE activity. You chart your temps on a graph and you watch to see when your temp shifts from a low pre-ovulatory range to a high post ovulatory range. And after 3 high temps that are higher than the previous 6 days you know you Ovulated.... three days ago! Charting is NOT a predictive method of determining when you are going to ovulate. Now your Cervical fluid and Cervical position can give you some hint and information on your body's process of gearing up to ovulate but alas even they can not be the fortune teller in your egg's exit from the ovary.

Anyway, I started to look into how to predict ovulation and it didn't take long to discover Ovulation Prediction kits (OPKs). A little strip for women to pee on that measures the LH hormone in our systems. Your LH hormone surges 24-36 hours prior to Ovulation. It signals the Ovary to leggo of my eggo! The OPK tests the level of hormone in my pee and once it reaches a certain threshold the stick will show 2 lines.

Since"timing"is our biggest issue I thought what the heck....I will try the OPKs to "predict" my ovulation. And that is when I LOST MY FREAKIN' MIND!!!! LOL! So last cycle I go to Walgreen's and buy the "Answer" brand OPKs. Then I go online and do some research on OPKs and LH. I find out that LH can surge for less than 12 hrs, meaning that if you only test once a day you could miss the LH surge. Good Grief.... like I don't have enough to do, now I have to pee on a stick (POAS) twice a day! So then I read online that you should start to POAS OPK based on your average cycle length so that you don't miss your LH surge. I calculated my average as 31 days which would mean that I should start POAS OPK on day 13. But then I looked at my cycle history and I have Ovulated on day13 before so I decided I should give myself a few extra days in the beginning to see if I ovulate early. Which means that I wold need to start using the OPKs around day 10. And the latest day I have Ovulated was day 25. That is quite a range of time from day 10 to 25 to be using OPKs especially if I need to use them twice daily.

So last cycle I used the OPKs 2 or sometimes 3 times in a day. Lets just say it did NOT help me pinpoint Ovulation any better than my temps, Cervical Fluid or Position. Here is a picture of my chart:

I think that those 2 high temps on day 20 and 22 kinda threw me and I started taking the prometrium too soon. But those high temps coincided with my positive OPK on day 20. Here is a picture of the OPKs: http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b354/kalico24/oB40.jpg

They looked positive to me on the 20th day, but apparently the test line has to be as dark or darker than the control line. So I guess those were negative. But compared to the rest of my strips those were the most possible positive ones that I had. After the fact or RETROSPECTIVELY I looked at my chart when I kept getting Negative pregnancy tests and saw that I probably did not Ovulate until day 25. We timing our "trying" poorly and I started taking progesterone supplements too early which delayed my period and caused me all sorts of stress. So I am NOT pregnant and am still slightly upset about it! LOL!

So now I am in a holding pattern. I can't try to conceive this cycle because it would put my due date at Christmas. And I swear I am in the cycle that WILL NOT END! As of today I am on day 24 of my cycle with still negative OPKs and no temp shift. Which translates to No ovulation as of yet.

I am still using the OPKs in hopes that if I am trying to avoid getting pregnant that perhaps I could use the OPKs with less pressure and perhaps learn something more about my body. So far it has been a HUGE PITA (pain in the ass), and I have thus far not learned anything except that I hate OPKs! LOL!

The only shinning star in this whole mess is that I did find an online resource that sells the OPKs and the HPTs (home pregnancy tests) for very cheap, so at least I won't go broke peeing on sticks! If you are interested visit: http://www.saveontests.com/ . The tests seem to be more sensitive and more reliable than the OTC tests.

So If anyone wants to take a look at my this months chart you can visit it at: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/35660 And I will probably be posting more about stupid OPKs as my journey continues.

Has anyone out there in cyber-land had good luck with OPKs in the past? Or am I really just wasting Money, energy and brain cells trying to "predict" a God-Thing! LOL!

House of the sickies!

Good grief! I don't think I will ever get everyone healthy!

Last night Tim came down with a nasty cold with an intestinal issue as well. He took Nyquil and went to bed. Only for us both to be woken up by Kaleb throwing up/dry heaving. Mason is running a fever again. He just finished Antibiotics for an ear infection a few days ago. I think he is probably getting the pukie flu like Kaleb. Both Kaleb & Mason has diarrhea. I am still coughing and hacking with my left over cold.

Jasmyn & Future are the only ones that are semi healthy. But even Jasmyn still has a runny nose from last weeks cold. I wonder where Future got such a wonderful immune system?

So if you are the praying type, we sure would appreciate some prayers!

Comments!

I love to hear your comments. I would love to log onto my blog and see that someone is reading it besides me! LOL! It takes literally 1 minutes to post a comment saying that you read it or loves it, hated it or whatever. I promise to not censor your words and am trying really hard not to censor mine.

The nature of Blogging is to share what is on your mind and what you are thinking about. So to that end I am going to try to blog and write about what I feel think or see without breaking any confidentiality's that I may be bound by.

I am trusting my readers to respect my vulnerabilities and raw emotions as just that. I am trusting my reader know me or would like to know me better. And what better way to know who I am than by reading about what is important to me?

So to that same end.... I would appreciate your comments that are uncensored and full of who YOU are. Speak your mind. I will respect it!

My Girls ROCK!

In the last few days I have been under some stress and have been trying so hard to make the right decision for my family and my extended family as a whole. I have looked at this situation in all kinds of different ways and tried to play out in my mind what the possible outcomes could be if I made 1 decision or another. Ugh. What a mess.

During this trying time I have called upon my friends and my family to assist me or offer support. A few of my friends and family have answered the call but 2 people have stood out as OUTSTANDING in their love and support of me and my family.

The first person is Kathy. Kathy is my aunt that lives in Oberlin, OH and my daughter Jasmyn's (Kathleen) namesake. And the second person is my best friend of 26 years, Megan. Megan lives in Bonners Ferry, ID with her husband Rodd. Both of these strong women in my life have been the reason I remained sane, grounded and optimistic during this trying time. Without the support, love and kindness they offer I would be lost.

Kathy is a healer. She heals with her insight and her intuition. She is open and welcomes the divine to lead her in ways of healing herself and others. I fortunately have been on the receiving end of her healing more times than I can count. I am blessed and honored to be her niece and more importantly her friend. My life has been touched and influenced in ways that I can not express and possible are unaware of as of yet, by Kathy. I am forever grateful of our relationship and the love we share for one another.

Megan is incredible. She is honest and outspoken and knows me to my core. She tells me the truth even if the truth is hard to hear. She encourages me to be the best person I can be. She fills my heart and mind with such peace and grounding. She is by far the most truly Christian person I know. She allows God to lead her life with grace and purpose. She is inspirational to me and fills my heart with joy. She would give me the shirt off her back or the shoes off her feet. She would drive miles to be there to hold my hand and offer support to me. She is the truest friend I have ever had or hope to ever be. I am blessed and honored to know her and to be her friend.

When I think of all the hard situations I have faced I think back to how I made it through those hard times and struggles I realize that if it was not for the support of my friends and family I would be lost. I am a strong women when I have my girls standing beside me. I am a good mother when I have my girls to call for parenting advice. I am a loving wife when I have good examples to look at of what a marriage should be. And I am a loyal friend when I have such friends to be loyal to.

I am humbled and honored to have such wonderful people in my life that love me as much as I love you. And Megan & Kathy are just the beginning of the long line of women who helped make me the person who I am proud of. Proud of this person who I can look at fondly in the mirror while I brush my teeth!

Thank you ladies for being who you are and sharing your talents, creativity, strengths, weaknesses, support and hope with me. I know my words do not do justice for what I feel in my heart for all of you!