I have toyed around with this blog all day. Should I write it, should I not. Will I offend? Do I care? The people this blog is about certainly did not mind offending me, so perhaps responding on this forum would be less offensive than saying the response to the faces of the peanut gallery. But you all know me.... I speak when I should probably shut my mouth. In fact I should probably take my own advice and think before I type, but alas, I can't let these things go so I must release them into the void that IS the Internet.
It started a few weeks ago. Someone through the grapevine said that someone else commented that I "needed to handle my children better". In was said in the context of me asking for help with my children. Basically I asked for help by way of babysitting, this person responded by saying "she needs to handle her children better" basically devalidated my need for a sitter. I take issue with this comment on Several levels, but I will limit my comments to just 3 points.
1) If I am asking for help with my children, my cats, my house, my husband, whatever it is and you want to help then I would love for you to help. If you don't care to help, or can't help or even if you think my request is STUPID, please just respond by saying, "no I am sorry I can't help with x y or z." I understand that your time is as valuable as mine. If you can't, don't want to, or won't help that is fine. But your availability does not make my request for help any less valid.
2) The whole comment "handle her children better"implies that I am doing something wrong with my children. It implies that YOU (the person who said it) could do it better. My response to this is that until you have walked a mile in my shoes you really don't know that you could do it better. I can think of no one in my life that has had my exact situation to handle: 3 Biological children under 5, a foster child under 5, a husband that works out of town 5/7 days of the week, and being a stay at home Mom, with the isolation that occurs with that job title. Now you may have variations of my reality, but you do not have my exact situation. I am not saying that my situation is so speical or needs extra attention, I am saying that I do not know your reality and you do not know mine. So again, until you have walked a mile in my shoes, please keep your judgements and opinions in a manner that WON'T leak back to me. Or if you must share your opinion then have the courtesy to come forth to me directly and allow me to respond to you directly.
3) Lastly, I am doing the very best I can with my children, my husband and my home. I assure you I am my own worst critic. If you think that you are telling me something I don't already doubt about myself you are sorely mistaken. Not a day goes by that I don't look at my situation and think, maybe if I changed x or y or z it would be easier. And lots of times I do make changes, sometimes they work, sometimes they flop. But trust me, I critique my own parenting, my marriage, my ability to be a friend, and family member on a daily basis. Let me assure you that I am doing the very best that I can to "handle my children".
I am sure if you have read this far you are probably hoping that my Rant will end soon. Sorry folks I have a few more comments. LOL!
About a month ago the Dept of H & W invited me to attend a conference discussing trauma to children and how to help them cope. The conference is called: From Hurt to Hope. They are paying for the conference and it covers my entire 12 credits of continued Ed that is required to keep my foster care license current for 3 years. Tim & I worked out the coverage for the kids and we made plans for me to attend. Last week I found out that some of the teachers and social workers from the preschool the kids attend are also going to the conference. They invited me to carpool with them and we even all decided to go to the same speakers. Today I went into the office to discuss with a few of them the plan for the morning as the conference is tomorrow. Now mind you I have not worked outside my home since Aug 2005. And I have not attended a conference such as this well..... um ever. So I wanted to know what attire would be appropriate. I asked a few of the ladies and most said what I expected to hear: business casual. Ok fine. So I jokingly said that I wouldn't be wearing my sweats and crocs for the day tomorrow. And then this woman said something that DID surprised me " yes, well welcome to the "real" world." I was so shocked I did not even know what to say. A few of the other ladies looked uncomfortable and I quickly made haste and left. When I got to the car I thought, Man if my life isn't the "Real" world I am not sure I want to be in it. How much more "Real" does the world get than dirty diapers, piles of laundry, sinks full of dishes, kids getting stitches in their heads and teeth knocked outta their mouths, not to mention hugs and loves from my sweet babies, Flowers from my husband for 'just because', and a life full of people I love. And heck if I get to do all of that in my sweatpants, crocs, hair pulled into a ponytail and no makeup... well then I am pretty fortunate. If being in the "real" world means leaving my kids for someone else to raise in daycare, getting dressed in a stuffy suit, getting up 1/2 hr earlier to put makeup on and do my hair perfectly, never seeing my husband or my friends because I am working all the time, well I guess I will live in "fairytale land" forever! With a joyful and grateful heart!
I am probably just feeling a bit puny and emotional. Or maybe I need to up my medication! LOL! But seriously people, Motherhood is the HARDEST JOB with the most at stake and the biggest rewards. I have 4 little people depending on me for everything physically, mentally, emotionally, stability, food, shelter, clothing and most of all love. I "get" this. I really need support and love. I do not need criticism and judgement. Please think before you speak.
2 comments:
Isn't perspective an interesting thing....? Being a mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister etc is so important. Don't let anyone try to make you feel less because you don't have to spackle on the make-up and blow through $30 worth of hair products weekly, wear shoes that make your feet hurt, clothes that make you want to strip down naked in the middle of your office, pantyhose that give your thighs a rash in the August heat, sit in multi hour meetings with nothing but a Double Caramel Machiato to keep you vertical, and drive for an hour each way just to spend the next 9 hours putting up with a bunch of a-holes you can't stand!!!!! Everyone has their own job to do in life. Just because you get to do yours in comfy clothes and rubber shoes doesn't mean it ain't "real". Tell her to rub salt in her @$$! Would she rather be home scrubbing crayon off of her walls, washing dishes, bathing her kid every hour because he has diharrea and has managed to crap something that strongly resembles pond sludge down his leg and up his back, trying to balance the monthly budget on one income and figuring out how to get one child to the Dr. another to the dentist and a third to soccer practice. Or maybe it's one of those days where little Jimmy has the flu and is projectile vomitting Yoohoo through his nose onto your new couch. And of course while this is going on little Mary has just given the cat a flat top because she got a hold of your scissors that were on the kitchen table because you were trying to finish sewing the Pilgrim costume for Johnny's school play tomorrow. Did I mention that the washing machine just broke? Now pack it up, Honey, you're headed for the laundramat!
Perhaps she'd like to come over for tea and crumpets and check out your "fantasy world". What, does she think? It's not like you have a maid, chauffer and personal shopper! Does she think the $hit Fairy comes and cleans up all of those poopy diapers? I think she misunderstood what a Diaper Genie is!!! :)
Enjoy your conference. Wear your sweats and Crocs.....I dare you. :)
Love ya!
MO
OMG!!!!! I can't stop laughing! It was just wanted i needed to read! Megan you always know just what to say to lighten my load! I love you love you love you!
The first day of the conf was today. I wore a nice red top with my grey cords and my new red shoes! Not quite crocs but still comfy. Plus I got to think if my Aunt Kathy all day because I was wearing her shoes! I did do my hair and makeup. I did feel a bit better about myself so I may just for kicks start doing that once a week or so!!! We will see what I pull together for tomorrow!
Thanks for the laugh sweetie it was just what I needed!
Love Jen
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