In the woods with my best friend

This post contains information about my fertility (or lack thereof), TTC, and a ritual that Sara and I preformed. Please use your own personal discretion when decided whether to continue reading this particular post. I am not offended if you stop reading now! I am proud of the ritual we preformed and although I realize that lots of people don't share my views, I feel that some of my readers would like to bear witness to my ways of coping with my infertility. And honestly, sharing this information is a bit raw and makes me feel vulnerable. If you feel I can not trust you with that vulnerability, please stop reading. Love~ Jen

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Sara and I have been done fertility rituals before. We did one on May Day back in 2001 to thank God/Goddess for allowing Sara to become pregnant with Sierra her oldest daughter. At the time of that ritual I was on the cusp of starting TTC our first child. We lit candles, made mud and rubbed it on each others bellies and also said words to the deities that we wanted to honor. Quite a bit of research went into this ritual. That of course was BEFORE we had kids! LOL! The ritual we recently preformed was alot more spur of the moment.

Sara's family and my family went up to the North Fork of the CDA River for a camping trip the last weekend in July. I find the area we camped in to be extremely peaceful and holy. I truly feel it is sacred space. The tall trees, the river, the mountains, the rocks. everything is just alive with energy and sacred power. Sara & I wanted to get away from the kids and our husbands for some one on one time. We wanted to commune together within the beauty that surrounded us. Sara had brought with her some Turkish Body Salt Scrub and some essential oils. Our original plan was to just have a spa in the woods. What we ended up doing was so much more profound and meaningful.

First of all we found the perfect spot that was close to camp but far enough away that we had some privacy and peace and quiet. All we could hear was the river rushing over the rocks and our voices as we talked.

This little rocky spot on the edge of the river was

where we decided was a perfect, sacred space.

This is the view upstream.

We had brought with us a bug tub to do a foot soak. We started by gathering flowers and tree sprigs to float in our foot soak water. On our hike into this space we came across a very rare find.

A wild strawberry

We filled the tub with about 6 inches of water from the river. We floated our flowers, vines, twigs and sprigs of greenery in the water.

We positioned our chairs to face each other so we could both soak our feet together. Sara added some essential oils into the water. I believe she used Peppermint, Lemongrass, and eucalyptus.

Then we went to the riverbank and found some fresh soil. We scooped up the dirt from the ground and put it into a cup. Next I went to the river's edge and added river water into the cup and stirred until I was happy with the Mud's consistency. Sara also added Essential oils to the mud. Next we needed to find some rocks to represent the male and female aspects of fertility. We found what we called a Goddess and a God rock.

Our Goddess and God Rocks.

Next Sara using her hands rubbed the mud all over my belly. I helped her rub it in a circular pattern. We both focused on bringing life and energy into my womb. Sara and I didn't really speak, but we looked into each others eyes and joined our energies together. We just seemed to focus on what my heart desire was... for my fertility to return tome and for Tim & I to be able to conceive. As an offering to the God and Goddess Sara took the God Stone and painted in the mud a Goddess symbol. She swirled in the Goddesses tummy a spiral to indicate where the energy needed to be placed for healing.

Here is a picture.

I held the Goddess and God Rocks up against my muddy belly for further transfers of energy and healing.

After we got done with the mud we moved on to a full body cleansing. Sara rubber Turkish Body Salt Scrub onto my body and visa versa. It felt awesome to have the oily salty mixture rubbed onto our skin. Sara and I agree that having it rubbed on our backs was the most relaxing. After we were covered in the salt scrub we sat down in our chairs facing each other and put our feet into the foot soak.

We ate some snacks and drank some wine and talked. We enjoyed the beautiful surroundings and talked about how serene and wonderful our spot on the river was. When we thought our bodies had soaked up all the oil we walked into the river. We helped each other wash the salt off our backs and bathed our bodies in the river. I also scrubbed the mud off my belly and washed myself in river. It was very refreshing. The oils in the salt scrub made our bodies a bit tingly when the cold water splashed our skin. IT seemed like the river was washing away all my doubt and fears about my inability to conceive. I felt better after the ritual in my ability to leave it to my higher power. What will be, will be. While I hope for a child I also can accept that it might not be meant to be. Doing the fertility ritual in the beautiful mountains at the edge of the river made me realize I have much to be thankful for. I felt rejuvenated and full of life as we walked back to our camp site.

I want to thank Sara for preforming the ritual with me. She is one of only 2 people on this planet that understand the significance of this ritual to me. I am honored to have shared this experience with her and am so thankful she loves and supports me in my endeavors. I love you Sara. Thank you so much for loving me and being my best friend.