On a roll

Well since I bite that last post off to chew on I might as well keep going.....

Why is it that parents of adult children think that they have any say or right to an opinion on what the adult child does with their life? Now I am not talking about things that may harm said adult child. Obviously we would all step in and have an opinion if a child, adult or otherwise was abusing drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. What I am talking about is why on earth do parents of adult children think they can tell their adult children how to get married, who to marry, where to buy a house, plan a wedding, give birth, be in the room while the woman is birthing, Or any other major life altering rite of passage.

Now there is of course ONE exception to my rule. If the parent is in any way financially supporting said adult child then by all means the parents does have a say in how the $ is spent.

So lets look at weddings for example. If your Daughter is planning her wedding, she like any other average girl has actually been planning her wedding LONG before she ever met Mr. Right. She has been thinking of her vows, her dress, her wedding favors, her bridesmaid dresses, her flowers, her colors, even her MILs dress. Think back to your OWN wedding ladies... You wanted a picture perfect day. Whatever "picture perfect" meant to you. Cause lets face it... everyone has a different idea of what "picture perfect" is. So here this girl has been dreaming and hoping and wishing for Mr. Right to Pop the question so she can buy that wedding dress, favors, bridesmaid dress for her picture perfect wedding and you the Mother of the adult daughter says, "No that dress is wrong, wedding favors are STUPID, and your bridesmaids shouldn't wear THAT color". Talk about crushing a girl's dream.

I just want to remind you Mothers out there (And I hope when my kids are getting married that one of my friends reminds me of this before I turn into the Mother-of-the-bride-from-hell [MOTBFH]) YOU ALREADY HAD YOUR WEDDING. You got to pick out your dress, flowers and such. And if your MOTBFH prevented you from getting what you wanted for your perfect day then you should remember how heart broken YOU were and have some sympathy for your daughter. Let your daughter have her way. Let her have her day. Help only if she asks. Suggest only when she wants advice. If something is REALLY important to you then ask your child if you could pay for that "something" or if they would mind incorporating it into the ceremony. You will get alot more cooperation if you are sweet and NOT pushy then if you demand it or refuse it. But if you are not paying you really can't (and in my opinion ) or shouldn't decide for her.

My next pet peeve is the whole grandmothers in the delivery room thing. Simply by deduction, in most situations if you have a Daughter or a Daughter in law that is pregnant then you yourself has already given birth to your daughter or your son. You may remember how vulnerable you felt while in labor and delivery. You are in pain, you are physically exerting yourself, people are putting their hands into a part of your body that is normally reserved for you and your husband. Not to mention that your exposing your most private parts to the whole room whilst they shine a big bright light onto it to make sure EVERYONE can see clearly. Vulnerable only begins to describe how you feel. Then add in the other 100 emotions you are feeling at the moment of becoming a Mommy to this beautiful child. Giving birth is a magical moment in the life of a marriage. One that cannot be matched by any other event. Any time a pregnant women asks a friend or family member to witness such a private blessed event it is such an honor and a blessing to be a part of it. Likewise if the pregnant women just wants her closest friend or just her husband or whomever it is HER decision. It is her rite of passage and her decision and it should be honored. She is the most vulnerable and the most powerful all at the same time as she births her child. She should choose who she shares her triumph with.

Ok Ok I need to climb off my soap box, step away and go to bed. Perhaps tomorrows topics will be on a happier note.